Sometimes I think I'm married to the greatest guy in the whole world. I guess all women think that once in a while about their husbands, but mine amazes me sometimes. His own Mother died when she was only 39 and he was 20. She had lung cancer. He was really close to her, too and I always wish I'd known her. We have one picture of her displayed on our bookshelf and she was a beautiful woman back in the day. She looked like a movie star. She had four boys and my husband was the oldest. And when she died the youngest was only 5 or 6. I'm sure that the hardest part of her disease was knowing she was leaving her young children. That had to be awful for her.
Fast forward 35 years...
When we decided as a family to move our Mother out of her house, we weren't sure at the time where she would live. We tried to have her visit each of our homes for a month or two at least while we tried to figure out a permanent solution. I know that at least two of us (if not more) didn't really like the idea of her going through the change of enviroment every couple of months and a disruption of her routine. At the time, Stan and I had only been living together for about 5 years, but we had had Mom here with us several times over those 5 years. Whenever she left here, Stan would say how much he missed her being here. I have to say that I was a hold-out. I really didn't want her here all of the time. I kept thinking how there was 6 of us, why does it have to be me? But any time I brought the subject up with Stan his answer was always the same. He didn't have much to say on the subject except this: " I don't understand why it's such a hard decision. All I know is, if it were MY Mom, I know where she'd be." He didn't just say that to me once...it was every time the subject was broached.
So now, we share the responsibilty of her care with my brother and his wife. His wife seems to be of the same opinion as my husband. She seems to love having Mom there, and as a matter of fact, we have decided that the inlaws in general have dealt a lot better with this disaese than her own children have. I find that both funny and wierd at the same time. Maybe we just all married well. Maybe we all married people better than ourselves, I don't know. But our final solution gives us the breaks my brother and I both need and it isn't too much of a change for Mom, really. Except that their house is about 10 times bigger than ours and I kept thinking that we couldn't have her here because our house is so small. That was stupid...how much room does one little old lady take up at once, anyway? The answer is almost none.
2 comments:
Leeann,
You and the greatest guy in the whole world, a.k.a. Stan, are saints. This is not just because you take care of Grandma on a daily basis but because you are loving and honest. It's inspiring. I am so happy my dad showed me this site. I feel that even though I am so far, I get a chance to know Grandma and her illness a little better. So, I guess I am saying thank you.
P.S. Grandma looks great! And happy. Tell her I love her.
P.S.S. The pond is probably the coolest thing I've heard in a while. Talk to Dad, he made one in our backyard too! Though it took him like 3 times to get it right. :)
P.S.S. Give my love to Stan too.
Love you,
Kelly
After reading your post on the Alz.org site, I was grateful to connect with another caregiver like myself. I understand your struggle to decide to move your mother into your home. I went through the same struggle. It was my husband who kept saying to me, "Nikki, people in this country are so selfish. We spend so much time working to make an extra dollar and climb the social ladder. But what about the family? Many other cultures care for their older family members. Why don't we? You really need to make the arrangements to move your grandmother in with us. We can do this." Yes, he is wonderful and was able to rise to the challenge much easier than I. Whenever you get a chance check out my blog: Dementia-Thoughts.blogspot.com
I will post yours as one of my favorites. The more people we can touch with our stories, the more lives we can change and the more people we can educate.
Be Blessed!
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