It ain't always easy

After having such a good day at the zoo the other day, we kind of had a crash and burn the day after. Mom can be so funny at times and at times I want to lock myself in my room. It rained most of the day on Wednesday and we couldn't get out in the yard. Moms shoulder started bothering her. Her left shoulder had bothered her for a long time and I finally called the orthopedic surgeon who had done my shoulder surgery and he gave her a shot of cortisone and she hasn't said anything about it since. All of the sudden now it's her right shoulder and she's acting like I'm personally to blame. She'll reach for something and tweak it and boy, it's like someone is cutting her arm off with a dull blade. She'll writh around in pain for a few minutes and I'll get her to sit down and give her an advil. Then she looks at me like I'm not doing enough. She has no recollection of ever seeing a doctor and I'm thinking that she thinks she's had this same pain for months.  I think she wants me to call 911. Seriously. So the other day we went through all of this and she says, "I need to see a doctor when I get to Sue's."

Sue is my sister-in-law and that is where Mom spends half the year, at a few month intervals. Sue and I are at completely different ends of the spectrum in terms of personality. She loves to shop and I'd rather eat a bug than go shopping. She's bubbling over with enthusiasm all the time...she's great with Mom and Mom loves her. Mom loves me, too, but I'm more on the laid-back side. If I have to go shopping I'd rather go straight in, pick it up, and straight back out. And I really try and get it done without taking Mom. Sue tends to take Mom along more often than I do.  I (or we) do try and get her out of the house 2 or 3 times a week, though. But rarely for shopping. lol. If you've read my earlier posts, I also took her to a new MD about a month ago, or so, and it was a total disaster.

So, when she said she needed to see a doc when she got to Sue's, I said, "why do you need to wait until you get to Sue's?"

"Because I don't want to bother you." She didn't just SAY it, she was kind of snippy about it.

So I said, "What makes you think you're bothering me, but you're not bothering Sue? I don't think that was very nice and I'm offended." This is where my emotion took control over my common sense. For a moment I thought she was my old Mom. For a moment I thought she spoke with malice on purpose and I forgot that it was the AD. And for a moment I was snippy right back.

She said, "well, I'm in so much pain I don't know what I'm even saying."

I went to my room for about an hour just to get away. And really I didn't want to get away from her but from myself. I was so mad at myself for snapping.  One thing about it...I'm still beating myself up for being hateful to her and she'd forgotten all about it 10 minutes after it happened.