One of Mom's favorite pictures of Dad is one he had taken several years before he died. It was one of those novelty photos where they put you on the cover of a fake magazine. In this case it was a golf magazine. It really is a good picture of him and she has always treasured it so I make sure it's beside her bed. The other day we were in her room and she pointed to it and said, "isn't that a handsome fella?" I looked at her, unsure of whether or not she was pulling my leg. I couldn't tell if she was or not so I just said, "yes, he sure is."
A day or two later she was sitting at the kitchen table and she got up and asked me to come with her. I followed her into her bedroom and she pointed to the picture of him again and said, "that's such a hansome man. But nobody will tell me who he is." At this point I really didn't want to point out that it was her husband because I knew it would upset her to know that she'd forgotten what he looked like. She still talked about him frequently and I know she remembered him, but she was remembering him in his younger version, I suppose. On her other nightstand is their wedding picture and she knew who he was in it. Partly, I'm sure, because she's also in that picture. And besides that, the older the item, the more likely she is to remember it. Then she just laughed and said, "the golfer dude. I think I've fallen in love with him." She walked back out of the room and said, "but he's probably married and has 6 kids so I'm sure I'm wasting my time."
I hope he talks to her in her dreams. Sometimes I think he does. The other day she fell asleep in her chair and started talking. Most of it was mumbling, but she was smiling quite a bit and at one point I heard her very clearly ask, "where are you?" I find comfort knowing it had to either be him or one of my grandmothers. At any rate, the golfer dude and her handsome groom bookend her bed and watch her sleep every night.
4 comments:
LD ~ God Bless You Girlfriend. you would be what is known as an angel on this earth.
(in case you don't recognize screen name, it's me, dg. are you on aim?)
~ i subscribed to your journall waaay back when you first linked me to it. i was thrilled to see a notification that you had posted a entry. i've been wondering... hoping to hear from you.
this will suffice (for now) letting me know you are ok. i, more than (maybe) most 'outsiders', know firsthand how much of a caring, totally self-sacrificing woman you are. your total love for your Mom &complete compassion could come from only you.
~ You be please aware you must take care of yourself too. (back me up on this one Stan).
your Mom needs you. as do the rest of us.
be in touch when you can. if i remember, you always have seventeen irons in the fire.
mylove, to You, &your family.
peace. dg.
p.s.
~ yes, rest assured, your Dad is right there with her, daily... nightly.
& girlfriend, he is guiding your care for her.
take comfort knowing he is acting through you.
~ i've been there, altho silent, right along with you with thoughts &prayers.
&a big 'ole aching miss for you...
my Mom has acted through me for my Dad for 10+ years now.
i can recognize it. you do too; feel it in your heart.
keep the faith.
peace.dg.
p.s.
~ yes, rest assured, your Dad is right there with her, daily... nightly.
& girlfriend, he is guiding your care for her.
take comfort knowing he is acting through you.
~ i've been there, altho silent, right along with you with thoughts &prayers.
&a big 'ole aching miss for you...
my Mom has acted through me for my Dad for 10+ years now.
i can recognize it. you do too; feel it in your heart.
keep the faith.
peace.dg.
I know how hard that can be. Recently my father died - my grandmother's son. Sometimes she forgets that he died and she starts asking questions about him or her other children that have already passed on. It is hard to make the decision as to whether I should remind her that they are no longer with us. I usually opt for telling the truth - sometimes she remembers immediately and sometimes it takes a moment to register. That is always the hardest for I fear that she may relive the pain. What can I say, such is the life of the caregiver.
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